Thoughts on Three

Several things have been running through my mind as of late...
a. My littlest boy is 3 weeks old!
b. I have 3 sons
c. I'm surviving (and enjoying) life exactly as it is!

How is this possible? Shouldn't I be going crazy with a newborn, a 2 year old, and a four year old? I spent a lot of time wondering what this time would be like while I was pregnant for 9 months and now that it is here, I'm weighing in on my experience and why I think it is going so great...

1. A is for Attitude
Other than an amazingly supportive husband, attitude is the secret weapon of my joy right now. Just like I spent my pregnancy "psyching" myself up for a drug free birth, imagining that I could make it without an epidural and telling myself I could do it...I also spend the same amount of time convincing myself I can handle three. I pictured the chaos of bath time while nursing the newborn, I wondered about making it in the grocery store balancing all three in the cart. So now when those moments arrive and its bathtime and I'm sitting on (the closed) potty seat nursing while watching the other two kids play (or get into an argument) in the bath I think, "See, here we are, and we are doing it! Its kind of like I imagined, except real." And when I went to Target last week by myself with all three, it wasn't like the worst task ever, it was kind of like a challenge. I wanted to prove to myself that I could handle it. And so when the nice woman politely asked me if my 2 year old was allowed out of the shopping cart and I peered over Cole's infant carrier to see Caleb with his entire leg balancing precariously over the edge of the shopping cart, I simply smiled and said thank you as I lifted him out and proceeded like normal.

Contrast this to my attitudes before now and I would have been horrified that someone corrected my parenting, giving myself a hard time mentally for not watching him closer and worried over what would have happened if he would have plunged over the side and broken his arm...So I guess to sum up the attitude that gets me through now, its preparing mentally for the chaos so when it happens you are ready to embrace it. And at the same time letting everything roll right off my back that I previously would have stressed about. Its minimizing the number of times in my mind that I've swept the floor or wiped down the kitchen table and savoring every time one of the boys runs to me with a hug and kiss or every sweet sleepy smile my newborn gives.
Yes, that is sort of mental acrobatics, and yes there was a time when just watching other people with large families of young kids gave me a headache. And there are days and weeks to come I am sure when the novelty and challenge of 3 kids wears off and my bad attitude gets the best of me, but for now this is what is working...

2. Lowered Expectations
I think this is really similar to attitude. It means that I spent the last nine months painting every room in my house so that now I will spend a whole year focusing on my newborn baby while being a mom and wife to the rest of these boys too. And thats it, and so it means if the tv is still on cartoons at 11am, but everyone makes it out of pjs by noon and have some sort of breakfast in their bellies we have a successful morning. And it means that if I've washed a load of laundry and wiped off the counters by the time Collin gets home, we've had a successful day. But if in those hours I've hugged each of my kids 3 times and helped them play with playdoh. If I've broken up an argument over a tennis ball and helped them each to share. If I've kissed my baby's forehead and held his little hand while he nursed to his hearts content, then its truly a successful day. Dishes will be there tomorrow and you know the laundry will too, but tomorrow they'll be a whole day older, a whole day closer to growing up.

3. Worldview
I believe that God exists, that He created not just me but all of us for the purpose greater than our own happiness and life experience, but to know and walk with Him .
And a part of that walking journey is our relationships to each other here on earth where we are called to serve one another, not for our own benefit but for His glory and because he tells us to. The longer I've been married and the longer I've been a mom I've begun to realize that not only is the Christian worldview life giving, its also pretty darn critical for a successful marriage and family.It hasn't taken long to figure out the similarities between serving a family as a mother and the kind of selfless serving that God asks of us when Jesus came and said "Love one another."
For me, there is meaning behind folding the laundry and eating dinner after everyone else is finished. There is goodness in the redundancy of brushing kids teeth every night. It means that my life isn't about just me, right now its about serving my husband as a helper to encourage, fold his socks (or at least put them all into his drawer for him to match). There is a calling in changing 8 diapers a day and packing lunches, because it means that I am fulfilling a role that is vital to my family's survival and well being. Sometimes, its easy to get lost in the middle of the crumb covered floor you've already swept 3 times and forget that you being there to sweep it is actually a big deal. Its not loosing yourself or being enslaved to some 1960s image of a "housewife". The secret is figuring out just how meaningful it is.

4. Jedi Warrior Ability to Remain Calm
There is nothing that makes you want to pull out your hair more than your tantruming children...in public...or private...or wherever. Its enough to make first time moms abandon outings, its even enough to make those crazy Walmart moms implement some first class child discipline that makes you want to call CPS. But face it, that is a hard situation to handle. Unless, several children later you've started to learn the art of under reaction. That is when you feel like screaming and losing it, and instead you summon the patience to lean down and quietly speak to your child about their behavior/put them in time out or change the situation without loosing your cool. I always try to channel my inner Michelle Duggar in these situations. (if you've seen her soft spoken nature handling 19 kids you get that reference) When they are screaming and you actually speak quietly it helps to calm the situation down. Now, honestly screaming at the top of you lungs at them works too, but I try to always do the first one and give myself a break when the second one happens anyway...
Today when I took all of my three children to the pediatrician they gave me a great chance to practice this skill...once we got there (which involved dressing and loading everyone-a challenge in itself), we did really great in the tiny appointment room while both boys read books quietly...for about 2 minutes and then Caden informed me that he had to go to the bathroom. Sure, honey. So all four of us ventured to the bathroom while Caden insisted on taking a very long time while Caleb played with two empty (and unused) urine sample containers, touched the potty, floor, and walls as I cringed. Finally, after redressing Caden while holding Cole in one arm (b/c he insisted on completely removing his pants, socks, and shoes to do the deed) we headed back to the dungeon (aka. appointment room). So by the time the doctor walks in Caleb has done time out twice, Cole is screaming, and Caden with one shoe off again is drawing with a pen on the tissue paper they put down on the table. Caleb manages to grab the pen and draw on the office chair (it was black on black, but still) right in front of the doctor. Now in this situation, were the roles reversed. I would have kindly encouraged the young mother with three young boys that she was doing a great job, but the doctor with eyes as wide as saucers seemed a little "flustered" by our crowd. At one point he put his pricey laptop on the counter on top of a stack of kids books and only by God's grace did I manager to grab it before Caden reached for the book on the bottom of the stack. He then proceeded to ask me several questions about Cole's development and left me plenty of time for asking him questions...umm, no, I don't want to discuss whether my on demand fed baby should eat 8 or 9 times, and I'm really not interested in discussing how the sleeping at night is going. As you can see from my brood of kids in this tiny room, I'm pretty much past the "baby parenting books" stage, I've got this part down. Hmph!

As I was saying, about my theory on parenting 3, don't loose your cool. Well, I guess I didn't today, I even bent down and calmly explained to Caleb that he was sitting in time out because he hit his brother instead of screaming and running out of that office like I wanted. But I did leave the office in a full out sweat, as in persperation trickling down my body...and it really wasn't hot in that office. :) Ok, I guess I have a lot to learn still. Perhaps I'll know even more by the time number four comes along...
(just checking to see if Collin actually read my looonnngg blog post...)